– A Personal Exploration of Family Rituals
For my interview, I decided to focus on something much closer to home—literally. My family has a tradition of holding three memorial rituals each year to honor my late grandfather, whom I never had the chance to meet. Every year, we purchase the same funeral offerings, and the rituals follow a fixed pattern. However, until now, I’ve never paid much attention to the details of these offerings or the specifics of the rituals.
Growing up, my family rarely spoke to my brother and me about our grandfather. We knew the rituals were something we had to do, a way to honor him, a tradition. Because I moved away for school, it’s been three years since I last participated in these rituals. This time, I felt it was important to return home and learn more about the details—both of my grandfather’s burial and the funeral process.
I plan to talk to my family to gather stories and memories about my grandfather’s life and the circumstances surrounding his burial. I’m also hoping to gain a deeper understanding of the customs related to our family’s gravesite and the local cemetery practices in our hometown. This exploration feels essential not just for my project but also for reconnecting with a part of my heritage that I’ve overlooked for too long.
Discussing my project with my father
Interviewer: Me
Interviewee: My Father
Age: 53
like me, he has never met my grandfather.
The first time I brought up my project with my father was when I was planning to visit the funeral supply shop for my first interview. I had asked him if he could give me a ride there, and he seemed puzzled. I understood his reaction—after all, in our culture, funeral supplies are only purchased around specific times like Qingming Festival, Ghost Festival (Qiyueban), or on the anniversary of a loved one’s passing. It’s not something people typically deal with outside of these contexts.
So, I started explaining my project’s theme, the questions I hope to explore, and why I needed to visit the funeral shop. But his response surprised me: “Why are you doing this kind of project? Dealing with things related to the dead, taking photos of them—don’t you think it’s unlucky? You’re a girl, you shouldn’t get involved in these things. What if something bad, like a ghost, follows you?”
His words left me puzzled, but at the same time, they perfectly aligned with what I had read about the taboos surrounding rituals and funeral practices. It was a real-life confirmation of the resistance and discomfort that people feel towards anything related to death or funerals outside of specific ritual times. This conversation with my father provided me with an important insight: there is a deep-rooted aversion to discussing or engaging with funeral practices outside of the designated times, which I now see reflected in real-life attitudes.
My Conversation with My Grandmother
Interviewer: Me
Interviewee: My Grandmother, 74 years old
My grandmother is the person in our family who knows the most about my grandfather, and she’s also the one most willing to talk about him. My grandfather’s passing has always been a source of sadness for my mother, and because of this, my grandmother rarely brings him up. This time, however, I decided to sit down with her on camera and ask her to share stories about my grandfather.
Conversation Video Clip
Through our conversation, I learned about my grandfather’s life, his relationship with my mother, and many regrets that linger after his passing. As my grandmother spoke about him, she handed me an old film camera, saying that my grandfather had brought it back from Japan many years ago. She wanted me to have it now.
Later, I visited the old family home and saw pictures of my grandfather for the first time. Before this, I had never seen any photos of him, and I realized that the image I had of him, based on the small picture on his tombstone, wasn’t really who he was. Seeing these photos brought my grandfather’s story to life in a way that I hadn’t experienced before.
Discussing My Grandfather’s Burial in 1998
As we continued our conversation, my grandmother and I talked about the details of my grandfather’s burial in 1998 and the choices that were made regarding funeral supplies at that time. When she described the burial process, she mentioned a few traditional practices that were observed.
My grandfather passed away at the age of 49, and because he hadn’t yet reached 50, his ashes were temporarily kept at the funeral home. It wasn’t until the Qingming Festival after he would have turned 50 that his ashes were wrapped in red cloth and taken by the family to the cemetery, where they were finally interred. The family had purchased a shared grave, and when the urn was placed in the ground, firecrackers were set off. After the grave was sealed, the children and other family members performed the ritual offerings. According to my grandmother, the grave cost 40,000 yuan at the time, and it was located in an old cemetery in Changsha.
My grandmother also shared something that might seem a bit superstitious. She recalled that while they were carrying the urn up the mountain to the cemetery, it was only raining lightly. But as soon as they began the actual burial, it started to pour. She said there’s an old saying, “Heavy rain
at a burial means good fortune for the descendants,” and she couldn’t help but notice how it seemed to come true that day.
Interview Summary
These two conversations with my family provided me with invaluable insights into both the personal and cultural aspects of our funeral practices. My talk with my father highlighted the deep-rooted taboos and discomfort surrounding discussions of death and funeral rituals outside of the designated times for such activities. His reaction to my project underscored how these traditions are deeply embedded in our mindset, shaping our attitudes even in modern times.
In contrast, the interview with my grandmother opened a window into the more intimate and emotional aspects of these traditions. Through her stories, I gained a clearer understanding of my grandfather’s life, the significance of the rituals surrounding his burial, and the traditional practices that guided these ceremonies. The detailed recollection of the burial process, combined with the cultural beliefs, such as the symbolism of rain during the burial, highlighted the blend of practicality and superstition in our family’s approach to honoring the deceased.
Perspective on how funeral practices are carried out in our culture—balancing respect for tradition with the personal memories and emotions of those involved. This understanding is crucial as I continue to explore the evolving nature of funeral customs in my research.